Head Spinning with 'Who Am I?'

by ABHISHEK
(KANNUR,KERALA,INDIA)

Bodhi Pool, Janaka Stagnaro

Bodhi Pool, Janaka Stagnaro

A thought came....!!
Q. To whom the thought has raised?
A. Is to mind.
Q. Who is having the feeling there is a mind?
A. Mind itself is having the feeling..!!
Q. Who is answering to thoughts?
A. Same person who is asking questions
Q Who is that person ?
A The same person who feels duality and address himself as "that person."
Q.Who am i?
Q.Who am i?
Q.Who am i?
A The same person who is bothered about the "who am i" question
Q.Who is bothered about who am i?
A. A deep feel of silence.... with big '!!!!!'

Feels like there is only mind and nothing else is there... there is no atma,paramathma, or GOD...
MIND ITSELF IS GOD.
STATE OF MIND ITSELF IS PARAMATHMA.
STATE OF MIND ITSELF IS ATHMA.

Please forgive me for my ignorance but can't describe a better word for self realization; self realization is like masturbation.

I am totally stuck in intellect, please help...


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Namaste Abhishek,

Thank you for sharing.

You have come to the Heart of the matter, the Great Joke. All this questioning, all the searching, the struggling, is nothing but the ego playing its last game of being the spiritual ego. It is endless, this search, until there is just a cry of ENOUGH! Who says this? Grace. A Voice of Wisdom from That which is Silence. And it is that Grace that shuts the mind up with its clammer. All those names, those definitions, are of the mind, created as bridges for the finite to come to the Infinite, to help the finite look towards the Infinite. But there comes a time when all the bridges are no longer needed, when the two become One. Many will tarry on the bridges trying to figure out everything about the bridges, not remembering about the purpose of the bridges.

You say self realization is like masturbation. No doubt, Osho might agree! Masturbation, although it is seemingly with only one, there is the image, whether physical or mental, that one is trying to merge into. And while there is this climax awaiting, that is proven very beneficial to the body due to the chemicals that are released in the brain, the real pleasure of it all is that the strong desire that led to the happenings in the first place, is gone. And it is that state of mind that is free of desire that is the real bliss. And in that desire-less bliss there is a fleeting moment of not-twoness. Until thoughts begin to rise (often of guilt). And one is back in the game of wanting to get that state again.

Self realization is similar in that there is this desire to become something other, to join a new state of mind (or to merge with a deity), to be free of all desire. To achieve bliss. And this requires some sadhana (because we believe in time). And then when it "happens", when the Absolute is known, there is nothing more to do, no desires to be fulfilled. Only Silence.

If your head is spinning with doing Self Inquiry, that you are feeling heat in your head perhaps, that there is any strain, relax from doing it. Do it only those times of sitting for meditation, or here and there throughout the day. Watch your breath more. Take a walk in Nature. Japam. Play. Don't take it all so seriously. All that serious stuff is the ego wanting to prolong the journey. Relax. There is nothing to gain. Trust in the timing of the Timeless.

All is well, Janaka

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