By Products of Inquiry and the Challenge of Sexuality
(New Delhi, India)
Martian Landscape, Janaka Stagnaro
One of the reasons why I started meditation was to calm my hyper-sexuality. Others being: to calm my mind; for material gains by creative visualization; to be able to learn better; and at the back of my head, if it all goes as they say it does, to become a buddha, to teach people and rise to a place where every one looks at me reverently. I tried japa, Bhakti, Anapanasati (which i still do), etc., before I started self inquiry. All the techniques did their bit and I must say my perspective of my situation has transformed so dramatically, I can't even imagine having all the goals I did when I started out.
That is, other than my sexuality. It remains where it was. In my moments of arousal, I ask myself, to whom do these thoughts arise, I reach my inner recesses, and whoosh!! the thoughts are gone. I return to the surface, and there it is, looking at me in my eyes. So much so that, i have started doubting whether its just a thought or more a biological process, which will assert itself whenever it gets a chance. I have tried not acting on my impulses. And needless to say, the results were pretty bad. I came out of it worse than when I was when I wasn't restraining myself.
What is the solution? I hope you don't say that it is normal to be aroused and not being able to control it. Because from where I stand, it doesn't appear to be normal at all!
Thank you for contacting me. I am glad to hear that Self Inquiry has helped clear that story that you thought would make you better, that would make you truly somebody. When we redirect our thoughts that are constantly searching for this and that, and focus them inwardly, where they disappear into the Silence from which they arose, then we can find the Peace of our true Nature. And the more we do it, the mind becomes quieter and quieter, a tool to be used, and not to be the master of our life anymore, as it is for most.
And then you say that it has helped in everything but your sexuality. Sorry to say, but you are not the only one, especially men. How many gurus have "fallen" to that powerful urge (although they will either deny it or make excuses for their behavior)! You said that the more you have resisted it the more it has persisted. There is nothing new in this either. By putting attention on it you give it more power. It is like trying to push a goat away, and all you end up getting is being knocked down on your ass. Now if you just feed it, without judgment, blessing each carrot as an offering, the goat will be much more docile, and eventually will only come around when summoned. Of course you do not want to fatten this goat with too much feeding! It needs to graze on healthy food and needs plenty of exercise.
However, the most important aspect to dealing with this area is to look at why you want to stop it. Is it fear? Fear that you will not become enlightened, that you are not following spiritual injunctions? What does sex have to to do with the Infinite Self? What does celibacy have to do with It? Celibacy has been a tool for some and sexuality has been as well (tantra). But neither are ends. Finding the middle way is what I espouse. Sex is like eating. St. Francis would sprinkle ash over his food so he would not enjoy it and be a glutton. On the other side of the spectrum there are those who must be entertained by whatever they eat--they live to eat. The same with sex. There are those who believe that sex should only be done for procreation (and with as little enjoyment as possible). And there are those who live for their bodily enjoyment, and few things are as enjoyable as sex.
And all of this has nothing to do with the Self. I had the blessings of a saint who came into a dream and whacked me on the base of the spine. I awoke in bliss. And for a month the cravings of sex had completely subsided. If my wife at the time had desire I would be there for her, but if she did not (which was the more common case) I was fine with that. The mind was calm. For me I was shown the ideal state to be in--free from aversion and attraction to sex. Aversion, which most religious people have to it, is just as obscuring of Reality as attraction is.
Remember, all is well. It is only the ego that says otherwise.
Yours truly in the goat pen,